“We Retort. You Deride.”

Saturday, June 15th, 2013

(or: Putting the NEWS Back in “News Feed”!)
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Crabby McGrouchpants
Thursday near Portland

Hey, when’s the next “Smokey and the Bandit” movie coming out? Aren’t we overdue?

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Crabby McGrouchpants
Thursday near Portland

What do cops love more: Donuts or violence?

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Blair Anundson likes this.
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Crabby McGrouchpants
Thursday near Portland

Karl Rove says: “That video posted on YouTube of Dick Cheney blowing a . . .  Doberman Pinscher is . . . ” (stammers) “faked, and . . .  ” (breaks down crying) ” . . . what is this world coming to?”

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Crabby McGrouchpants
June 9 near Portland

Q: What’ll you NEVER hear a “music critic” say?
A: “Picks” or “CHORUS/FLANGER” or “C#min” or . . . um . . .

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Crabby McGrouchpants
June 8 near Portland

Bumper sticker I saw today: “My DICK is SO HARD for JESUS!”

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Crabby McGrouchpants
June 7 near Portland

JUSTICE ROBERT H. BORK SAYS: “My ass needs rapin’! Is there a red-hot poker out there with my name on it? My turn-ons include: walking on the beach, bigotry, and hating. Turn-offs: common sense, pamphleteers, and zinesters. Send your replies to: [MAIL-BOX # SUPPRESSED].”

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Crabby McGrouchpants
June 2 near Portland

To the little girl walking between her mother and her (bigger) sister, holding both their hands, block after block, with her brightly-colored jacket and backpack . . . to the guy who was holding hands with his girlfriend, until he picked her up and carried her, block after block, uphill . . . I need to feel a bit stupid sometimes. Thanks for that.

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Jennifer Bounds likes this.
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Crabby McGrouchpants
June 1 near Portland

DAN SAVAGE SAYS: “Even if you’re gay . . . you’re not as gay as ME!”

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Crabby McGrouchpants
May 23 near Portland

Jon Bon Jovi has just anointed himself: “King of America.” (Obama has agreed to step down.)

Jennifer Bounds Is Michelle queen or is it Queen Bey?
May 23 at 6:22pm via mobile · Like

Crabby McGrouchpants I don’t know. These rocks stars, they just clean house when they take over . . .
May 23 at 7:23pm · Like
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Crabby McGrouchpants
19 hours ago near Portland

Hey, guess what I just found out: I’m not Jesse & Celine’s age, after all. He says ” . . . Summer of ’94” in the new one, meaning he was age 23 in ’94 . . . not age 23 in ’95 (and age 32 in 2004), like me, seeing the movies, in the theater, a year later.

Oh.

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Crabby McGrouchpants
May 29

Funniest IMDB comment I’ve seen: In a review of the lame[*] Henry James novel, “What Maisie Knew,” sammystyles112 says: “I kept waiting for Steve Coogan to do a Michael Caine impression. Spoiler alert: He never does!”

Crabby McGrouchpants [*] Yes, you DO think Henry James is lame! (And: you always have!) — ed.
May 29 at 8:40pm · Like
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Crabby McGrouchpants
May 29

After switching from Rock music, to Classical, and starting to write a memoir, only to change his mind mid-way through (and have to return the advance to his publisher), Billy Joel has announced this week that he’ll be changing his name from “Billy Joel” to “Joel Billy.”

“What the hell,” he told the press. “I’m a fickle dumbshit!”

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Crabby McGrouchpants
May 26 near Portland

Is there anything in William S. Burroughs more prophetic than the “talking asshole”? I think not.

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