Add it up.

“When people get married and start a family, societal conventions dictate that they ‘grow up’ and ‘settle down.’ Too often that means consigning the rest of your life to a job you loathe while wistfully reminiscing about the fun you used to have, unless you’re duking it out in the stands with other parents at some children’s house league game, because you chose to live vicariously through your offspring.”

—The Gore-Met, in “Meal for One,” detailing, at age 49, his marraige of 15 year’s end, in Rue Morgue iss. #134 (April 2015)
She used to have to call time-outs — the kid sister of the Social Network of Blood Ties I was born into — when her father go so “into it” he’d interrupt the playing of the game.

From the sidelines.

He was that unable to “dissociate” himself from it — and, given that three (3) seasons of baseball I had to sit through (game after game), followed by one (1) of basketball (not “giving up on me,” I guess!) and one (1) of soccer panned out to nothing — he seemed to have “found” his proxy.
“If I speak at one constant VOLUME …
“At one constant PITCH …
“At one constant RHYTHM …
“Right in-TO your EAR …
“You STILL won’t HEAR!”

Woe is me, though, when I fail to see how ominous his asking, yearly, if he needed my help doing my income tax (I don’t … he doesn’t … what?).

No, wait: to begin with, I work in accounting, it’s not much more than addition and subtraction on the 1040, and, I only had one W-2 fo the year … what help, Harry, could you be?

MEANWHILE: He’s biding his time, I’m already his, “does he need my help” seems to be the overriding way it worked, my mail’s gone from Oregon, my inheritance wasn’t mine, anyway (“Why would she leave it to YOU?” To stiff the relatives of their 72-beer-a-weekend paradise, maybe … ?), bankruptcy’s a great idea when you’re $40K in the hole, I don’t deserve a straight answer if it makes him (or the judge at the Unemployment Hearing in Rochester) feel uncomfortable, and I’m left with nothing but sketchy guesses and implausible-to-others explanations about the behavior of someone whom, yup, is the possessor of a J.D. and bar number from testing years ago!

MORAL: Patty ain’t Harry, though. And vice versa. Don’t forget to carry that!


What is “homophobia”?

To: swimrdie
From: Crabby McGrouchpants
Subj: Re:Your Amazon reviews
Date: 12/23/13

Sorry if it seems like “gay-themed” works are what I’m objecting to; if anything, William S. Burroughs’s homosexual episodes have helped my acquaint myself (further) with my own “junk,” and Samuel R. Delany’s visions of stable-but-fluid sexual identities have redounded to my sense of Iconic counter-positing … and, needless to say, I found Langston Hughes (whose “Ways of White Folks” I read in college) to be eye-opening in “OTHER” ways! (Yuk yuk — the class was called “Becoming the Other,” get it?)

See how the list narrows down to one (1), here?

No-one expected this “Penthouse” reader (yup — Xaviera Hollander, the “Happy Hooker”) to hold so much sway … but he does … and, clearly, he’s Anita Bryant’s worst nightmare! (i.e., “They just wanna FUCK … and CONVERT people to his way of life!”)

Unless he’s been doing (all along) a Stephen Colbert-esque parody of such a nightmare-person, I’ve been missing the point …

Crabby McG

P.S. Thanks for the kind words. Don’t know if I’ll get around to reviewing your vid. or not — my first commitment is to my writing, and my work Queue (which also, of course, has an “input” queue — I STILL haven’t gotten to the lastest Murkami or Palahniuk, yet!) — so I’m not making any promises!

P.P.S. For the record, here’s what I REALLY think about these nonsensical-gay posits (I concur with Pagan Kennedy’s take on these people):


Who’d “BELIEVE” me, anyway? [Pt. II]

To: [erroneous discharge]
From: Christopher Snyder
Date: October 8, 2012

Dear [errata]:

Sorry about the jumpiness. I have no-one else to ask, though, so I figured I’d risk looking like an ass, and ask you:

(1.) I’ve been evicted (in 2007) w/o being in arrears, having lost my job (as far as they knew), nor on the basis of any complaints from neighbors and/or the landlord;

(2.) My great-aunt Jeanne died the very next month, having promised a “rude awakening” in re: her 50% ownership of the property (the “camp”) up at Schroon Lake that all the rest of the relatives presumed was their right to use, not hers. (My great-uncle, a two-star general whom I never met, owned the other 50%, and left it to his son(s) upon his death in 2003). I have been told by “Harry” (I’ll call him my “step-father”, thanks) that she left it to “me” and “me and [his three siblings].” Also, he told someone else, “he had NO RIGHT to it — she’s MY aunt!” She read Snoopy to me as a kid, and had no-one else to leave the 50% to, to spite the lot of them. That one’s not to hard to figure out, but, obviously, I haven’t seen the will — nor do I know if “Harry” has put freakin’ WHITE-OUT on it, or what.

(3.) “Harry” thought MY signing myself into bankruptcy was a “great idea” (since I’ve “always had bad credit” — you know, like getting a $12K Platinum Visa with an 8% when I was unemployed, as a result of paying double-down on my student loans for two years and upping my credit score considerably). Since items #1 and #2, “Harry” has commandeered my mail (forwarding it — including my U of C alumni magazine; his address on the label) — and, lo and behold, my accounts are at $0 when I checked via a free credit-report service via the internet. He & “Patty” (“step-mother,” and, yes, I have a “step-sister,” too — she didn’t like me having a girlfriend when I was younger, don’t you know), have decided to “help me out” with two weekly transfers of $100 and $150 each, allowance-style, while I live in a tent, “Occupy”-style, and appear to all the world as the incompentent, disenfranchised, friendless person I (apparently) am. (Do you SEE WHY???)


(1.) I’m curious about suing “Bluestone & Hockley”
(2.) I don’t doubt for a minute she left it to me, though I have no clue how to transact selling the camp and claiming my 50% (after taxes, natch); and
(3.) I’d like to pursue taking EVERYTHING “HARRY” HAS THAT’S LIQUIDATABLE!

(Needless to say, though, this needs to be done subtley, piecemeal, and on the sly — without the two weekly transfers, I starve!)

Any advice/commiseration would be appreciated! (Sorry for any “raw-nervey”-ness in any previous messages … )


P.S. Congrats on the brat. I’m sure Grisel will be thrilled to have someone to teach/play Canasta to/with/etc.
P.P.S. Didja see that article in “Newsweek,” a while back? Pfizer has NEVER HAD any “exceeding placebo-level” test evidence for ANY of their, uh, “products.” (Can you say … “CLASS ACTION”? Why, I’m sure YOU can, right, [embolism extraordinary]!)
P.P.P.S. Caesar’s not really a punk-ass bitch. Stop hitting him so hard when he “smart-mouths” you; he might start to cry!

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